Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
