I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
