She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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