i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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