I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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