just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize