Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
smell my finger.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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