My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
