I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
