I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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