I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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