I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize