my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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