if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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