How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
