It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize