Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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