I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
