FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
