Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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