And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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