OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize