I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
