Whod you bang
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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