the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize