I just pynch a tree in the face
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
