And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
