who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
