I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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