He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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