i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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