i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
