also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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