he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
