you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
