there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
