Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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