I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
