areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
