I smell stomach acid.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
