I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
