I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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