She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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