THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
