Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
