ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
