No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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