I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
