Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
