I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
