That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
