omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
