just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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