I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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