Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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