i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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