oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
