Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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