Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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