Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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