Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
