I'm eating all of the evidence.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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