Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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