I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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