My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
