im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
