She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm too high and old for this...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
