I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize