I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
