I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
