i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
