then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
did i walk over a car last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
